Hello World,
I am back with a new blog post.
It's been a while, but I wanted to talk about friends and friendship.
Proverbs 17:17 states "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity"
A song of yester-year famously asks the question "Friends...how many of us have them?".
As I think over the question that is asked I would have to say that I don't really have friends(being totally transparent).
I should be clear in saying that My Wife is my best friend and I have male family members that I am close with, but to pinpoint one, two, or three male friends(who are not family members) I cannot do it at this time.
Has this always been the case...the answer is no.
I have gone into ebbs and flow with friendships with other males.
Growing up I had a larger group of male friends(up through middle school). At that time I was not aware, but I was entering into a space of depression(i.e. Isolation, over eating, disconnecting from friends, being "weird acting"as described by others).
This place of isolation would carry for years. My preference would be to remain self reflecting(i.e. introverted) but funny enough there were male peers who would actually want to be my friend. My challenge with this was low self esteem, abandonment, rejection, and not deeming my self worthy of the friendship. I was not aware of what being a friend truly is and what aspects of my life to share.
After high school I did find a group of male friends(my college roommates) that gave me the sense of fitting in or belonging to a "group". I did enjoy the laughs, roasting sessions, and camaraderie. Do I still talk to these guys today? The answer is no(and it's not due to any ill will). Graduation, location changes, periodic contact via social media, and general growth/maturity are some of the reasons.
As I was continuing to navigate through my 20's I recommitted my relationship to Christ. As I started to reconnect with God he allowed me to develop some new friendships that appeared to be ones that could stay the course. Friendships where I was able to come out of the shell a little bit more. Being willing to share more about life experiences(the good, the less than desirable). Gathering wisdom and insight from them while being able to provide the same to them. I felt that I had finally found my "crew" and some were even in my wedding(now 10 years ago).
It was an exciting place for me to have male representation as a new husband and with a new baby on the horizon. In my mind I had thoughts of birthday parties, cookouts, family vacations together(you name it), but it did not happen.
As we get older we recognize that certain situations and friendships are not beneficial to our growth. These friendships hit a major road block as the friendships/relationships between My Wife and their wives were dissolving. There were periods that even though my Wife was no longer interacting with their wives that she would encourage me to still engage with them (including inviting them over for my first Father's day cookout).
For me I recognized that it was not going to be realistic to maintain friendships with these men(be in their lives, be in their homes, attend birthday parties for their children) while knowing that there were issues between our wives that were not going to be repaired.
So I resorted back to old behaviors by slowing withdrawing myself from their lives. The phone calls slowed down. The face to face interactions slowed down as well(until the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months).
I also have to be honest that this impacted me emotionally as I no longer had my "group" and did not want to open myself back up to the vulnerability that come with friendship.
As I near 40 years old I recognize that God has a plan for me to have the ability to obtain the new friendships that I may benefit from. I am at a place now where I do not feel the need to prove or act (to fit in), but that by me being your friend(it will add much value to your life).
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