Am I There yet...Father's Day and have I healed from my Father wounds?

 Happy Father’s Day to Dad, Daddy, Father, Pop, Papi, or the specific term of honor or reverence for your Father(or Father Figure).

Father’s Day is not a day to celebrate the Single Moms. As a father for nearly 9 years now I have to say it does bring up some level of offense or maybe that’s not the best word when I see women posting that they are the mother and the father. You’ll see posts on social media saying things like “I handle all roles every day” or “ A Mother’s job is never done…even on Father’s Day.”  As a young man who growing up in a Single parent household even I would fall into this idea of a mother being in both roles. I can even recall buying my own mother cards on Father’s Day.  What I recognize now is that is a wrong mindset. We celebrate mothers for all that they do. Women who are mothers are truly vital to our existence and our day-to-day functioning and they are to be celebrated. I recognize the sacrifices that single women have to make in order for their child or children to live, to grow and be well including my own mother.  With that being said I want to admonish single women (who are mothers) who “hold it down “ daily to not allow hurt, anger, or bitterness live in your spirit or heart. If your child’s/children’s father(s) are not present take the day to celebrate other Men who are present for their children or make the effort to not post something degrading or disrespectful on this day.  (Remember that you are loved…specifically by God).

Father’s Day can produce a range of emotions for me. I know some great dads in my life including my Bonus Brothers(in law), Bonus Dad(Father in law), Pastor, fellow church members, my own biological brothers, and other family members.

My Father’s Day truth is that I am not close with my own biological father. We have not had a consistent relationship throughout the course of my life. And when a father is not present with their time,energy,effort,and affirmation this leads to wounds(or brokenness) in the child/children. How can this manifest? Sometimes we see it when children have a lot of their own children, or they are emotionally withdrawn, or there is confusion about their identity. I can even make the comparison of getting cards for Mother’s Day versus Father’s Day. On Mother’s Day I could easily go into a store find a car within 2 to 3 minutes and be on my way. When it was almost Father’s Day and I would go look for a car to send to my dad I could easily be in the store for up of an hour. Why so long do you ask? It was hard for me to find a card because I could not relate to what was written on these cards. A lot of them would say things like you are the wind beneath my wings or you’ve been there for me every step of the way or that we have so many great memories throughout the course of my life. These were things that did not resonate or sit well with me and it would just be a challenge to find a card that I felt was suitable and was truth telling of what our relationship was. Funny enough those times when my dad was present I can always vividly remember: teaching me how to tie a tie for my sixth grade graduation, being present for my high school and college graduations, supporting me financially (on occasion) and being present for my wedding.  I figured as I have gotten older and we were in more consistent contact that once I became a father myself that would grow our relationship even more.  in my mind i thought that I could lean into him to get advice and get the support that I needed as a new father myself. 

One thing that I do recognize is that as I am now older I don’t have a full story of what the relationship between my parents looked like.  This is prior to me being born and after I was born. I don’t have the ins and outs of why things didn’t work or why my dad was not as present as he could’ve been. 

I will need to go further into this topic (a part 2 of healing father wounds) for another blog post.

Father’s Day is also a time that I am truly celebrated and loved by my Wife and 2 daughters. What I recognize now is that God really allowed me to be a father to bring healing where I needed it. I love my Daughters(beyond measure) and vice versa. It has been my honor and privilege to be their Daddy.

God knows what he is doing.

Happy Father’s Day,

Brian