Am I There Yet...Friends

Hello World, 

I am back with a new blog post. 

It's been a while, but I wanted to talk about friends and friendship.

Proverbs 17:17 states "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity"

A song of yester-year famously asks the question "Friends...how many of us have them?". 

As I think over the question that is asked I would have to say that I don't really have friends(being totally transparent). 

I should be clear in saying that My Wife is my best friend and I have male family members that I am close with, but to pinpoint one, two, or three male friends(who are not family members) I cannot do it at this time. 

Has this always been the case...the answer is no. 

I have gone into ebbs and flow with friendships with other males. 

Growing up I had a larger group of male friends(up through middle school). At that time I was not aware, but I was entering into a space of depression(i.e. Isolation, over eating, disconnecting from friends, being "weird acting"as described by others). 

This place of isolation would carry for years. My preference would be to remain self reflecting(i.e. introverted) but funny enough there were male peers who would actually want to be my friend. My challenge with this was low self esteem, abandonment, rejection, and not deeming my self worthy of the friendship. I was not aware of what being a friend truly is and what aspects of my life to share. 

After high school I did find a group of male friends(my college roommates) that gave me the sense of fitting in or belonging to a "group". I did enjoy the laughs, roasting sessions, and camaraderie. Do I still talk to these guys today? The answer is no(and it's not due to any ill will). Graduation, location changes, periodic contact via social media, and general growth/maturity are some of the reasons.  

As I was continuing to navigate through my 20's I recommitted my relationship to Christ.  As I started to reconnect with God he allowed me to develop some new friendships that appeared to be ones that could stay the course. Friendships where I was able to come out of the shell a little bit more. Being willing to share more about life experiences(the good, the less than desirable). Gathering wisdom and insight from them while being able to provide the same to them. I felt that I had finally found my "crew" and some were even in my wedding(now 10 years ago).  

It was an exciting place for me to have male representation as a new husband and with a new baby on the horizon. In my mind I had thoughts of birthday parties, cookouts, family vacations together(you name it), but it did not happen. 

As we get older we recognize that certain situations and friendships are not beneficial to our growth. These friendships hit a major road block as the friendships/relationships between My Wife and their wives were dissolving. There were periods that even though my Wife was no longer interacting with their wives that she would encourage me to still engage with them (including inviting them over for my first Father's day cookout).  

For me I recognized that it was not going to be realistic to maintain friendships with these men(be in their lives, be in their homes, attend birthday parties for their children) while knowing that there were issues between our wives that were not going to be repaired. 

So I resorted back to old behaviors by slowing withdrawing myself from their lives. The phone calls slowed down. The face to face interactions slowed down as well(until the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months). 

I also have to be honest that this impacted me emotionally as I no longer had my "group" and did not want to open myself back up to the vulnerability that come with friendship. 

As I near 40 years old I recognize that God has a plan for me to have the ability to obtain the new friendships that I may benefit from. I am at a place now where I do not feel the need to prove or act (to fit in), but that by me being your friend(it will add much value to your life).  

When You Believe

 This blog entry is a small companion piece to the last blog "When I Pray."

Do you believe? 

I cannot say that I believe all the time(or as much as I should).  I have to learn on a daily basis that I have to believe. 

Believe in what?...Man...Woman...A Rock???  The answer is no to those items, but that my belief is in God. 

I am growing in the strength that When I believe(in God) that my periods of doubt are lifted. 

When I believe in Him I know that my days will be long(and prosperous).  I know that I shall be healed of any disease. 

When I believe I know that I am truly forgiven of all my sins.  

When I believe I know that the needs of my family and I are continually met. 

When I believe I truly recognize that God is my shield and rampart(meaning that there is a wall of defense and protection around me).  

The bottom line is that when you believe you will recognize that God is bigger (and greater) than are minds can fathom. He is always in control!!

Here's some scripture to support "When you believe."

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" Hebrews 1:11 NIV

"Jesus said to him, "if you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.""Mark 9:23 NJKV

-Brian 

Prayer...

Prayer was not a foundational part of my early existence.  Prayer in my younger years may have consisted of a general "Thank you God." As I have gotten further into my walk with Christ I recognize the needed consistency of prayer(i.e not just praying for myself, but praying for others).  

Many have heard the saying "Something happens when you pray." I believe that this statement is true. We experience so many forms of emotion on a daily basis. This can range from being excited, to happy, to joyous, to being sad, then afraid, and even angry.  When we have a conversation(prayer) w/ the Father(God) it can truly shift things.  

So when you are happy(pray). If you have a struggle that can overwhelm you(pray).  When you're grieving the loss of someone or something close to you(pray about it). If you are unsure of your next steps (or move) pray about it. If you read the bible you can use the following scripture (language may vary based on translation) in Proverbs 16:3 (Commit to the Lord whatever you do and He will establish your plans).

I truly feel the difference when I have not prayed (especially when waking up first thing in the morning).  You leave yourself vulnerable(emotionally, physically, and spiritually).  It gives the feeling of " I know I forgot to do something before I left the house today."  

Something to recall about prayer is that it does not need to be rushed. You can spend as much time as you need in prayer. You can pray wherever you may be throughout the course of the day(in the bed, in your shower, in the car, at work, at the gym).  

What might prayer look for you. It could be asking for forgiveness of your sins(repenting to God), a renewing of your spirit, praying for your children(and the children of others), praying for family members(saved and unsaved), praying for our Nation, and praying for those who do not mean you well(your enemies).  

Now, as i have finished this post, I need to go pray.

Please let me know your thoughts on prayer and its impact on your life.  Please feel free to leave a comment below. 

-Brian 

Am I There yet...Father's Day and have I healed from my Father wounds?

 Happy Father’s Day to Dad, Daddy, Father, Pop, Papi, or the specific term of honor or reverence for your Father(or Father Figure).

Father’s Day is not a day to celebrate the Single Moms. As a father for nearly 9 years now I have to say it does bring up some level of offense or maybe that’s not the best word when I see women posting that they are the mother and the father. You’ll see posts on social media saying things like “I handle all roles every day” or “ A Mother’s job is never done…even on Father’s Day.”  As a young man who growing up in a Single parent household even I would fall into this idea of a mother being in both roles. I can even recall buying my own mother cards on Father’s Day.  What I recognize now is that is a wrong mindset. We celebrate mothers for all that they do. Women who are mothers are truly vital to our existence and our day-to-day functioning and they are to be celebrated. I recognize the sacrifices that single women have to make in order for their child or children to live, to grow and be well including my own mother.  With that being said I want to admonish single women (who are mothers) who “hold it down “ daily to not allow hurt, anger, or bitterness live in your spirit or heart. If your child’s/children’s father(s) are not present take the day to celebrate other Men who are present for their children or make the effort to not post something degrading or disrespectful on this day.  (Remember that you are loved…specifically by God).

Father’s Day can produce a range of emotions for me. I know some great dads in my life including my Bonus Brothers(in law), Bonus Dad(Father in law), Pastor, fellow church members, my own biological brothers, and other family members.

My Father’s Day truth is that I am not close with my own biological father. We have not had a consistent relationship throughout the course of my life. And when a father is not present with their time,energy,effort,and affirmation this leads to wounds(or brokenness) in the child/children. How can this manifest? Sometimes we see it when children have a lot of their own children, or they are emotionally withdrawn, or there is confusion about their identity. I can even make the comparison of getting cards for Mother’s Day versus Father’s Day. On Mother’s Day I could easily go into a store find a car within 2 to 3 minutes and be on my way. When it was almost Father’s Day and I would go look for a car to send to my dad I could easily be in the store for up of an hour. Why so long do you ask? It was hard for me to find a card because I could not relate to what was written on these cards. A lot of them would say things like you are the wind beneath my wings or you’ve been there for me every step of the way or that we have so many great memories throughout the course of my life. These were things that did not resonate or sit well with me and it would just be a challenge to find a card that I felt was suitable and was truth telling of what our relationship was. Funny enough those times when my dad was present I can always vividly remember: teaching me how to tie a tie for my sixth grade graduation, being present for my high school and college graduations, supporting me financially (on occasion) and being present for my wedding.  I figured as I have gotten older and we were in more consistent contact that once I became a father myself that would grow our relationship even more.  in my mind i thought that I could lean into him to get advice and get the support that I needed as a new father myself. 

One thing that I do recognize is that as I am now older I don’t have a full story of what the relationship between my parents looked like.  This is prior to me being born and after I was born. I don’t have the ins and outs of why things didn’t work or why my dad was not as present as he could’ve been. 

I will need to go further into this topic (a part 2 of healing father wounds) for another blog post.

Father’s Day is also a time that I am truly celebrated and loved by my Wife and 2 daughters. What I recognize now is that God really allowed me to be a father to bring healing where I needed it. I love my Daughters(beyond measure) and vice versa. It has been my honor and privilege to be their Daddy.

God knows what he is doing.

Happy Father’s Day,

Brian

Am I there yet?....Finding my balance

 

To quote a line from Tamela Mann's Take Me to the King "Truth is...I'm tired"...

To some saying that you are tired can be Taboo(i.e. admitting defeat, waving the white flag, throwing in the towel and even in some sense telling God that you are not grateful for things that you have prayed for).  I am by no means in a place of "giving up", but life(w/ its expectations, tasks, assignments, and responsibilities) can leave you slightly overwhelmed. 

As an older Millennial (late 30's to be exacted) my daily life is a balancing act. I am Husband (to an awesome Wife) and Father(to 2 brilliant girls). I also work full time for a healthcare provider (in a telecommuter role which requires community based work and time to work from home..but I'm really working while at home).  By no means am I bragging when I say this, but I'm actively involved with my Wife and Daughters(and their daily needs).  If they need me for something, I am going to try and make sure that I can do it. As a leader of my household this means that I am responsible for being the financial overseer and ensuring that bills are paid(in a timely manner).  Something that I did not realize (prior to becoming a father and husband) is that once you enter into these roles(that as a Man you are changed). You are changed in a way that if you don't find the balance can impact you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  How do I know....I'm still working to find this balance. 

When I married my Wife (almost 10 years ago...we thank you Lord for sustaining our marriage this long) I thought I knew what to expect, but had no true idea of what to expect. I did not have the example(or blueprint) of what a husband looked like, moved like, acted like. and was supposed to be. I knew how to take care of my self and ensure that I survived. Once married things quickly moved for my Wife and I. Within 6 months of being married we were pregnant with our first Daughter and 3 months after that we were obtaining our first home. I felt accomplished(and these steps were truly accomplishments), but I did not know how to enjoy and take it all in. I was in a place of having to provide, protect, being emotionally vulnerable, be sympathetic, while being strong (and not showing fear). I did not do a good job at that. If there was a repair that needed to occur or a bill was past due(and I didn't share it w/ my Wife) my first reaction was to panic, then worry, get anxious, and fear to the point of loss in sleep. Once my older Daughter arrived this added a new level of stress that did not need to be present. On one end I was so proud to be a new Father, but on the other hand I was already thinking about cost for prom, college, wedding(and how I was going to pay for all of that).  

The main thing that I was not doing was consulting God about my needs. I had been so focused on others that I had limited myself in my growth and well being. I have to give thanks to my Wife who has always encouraged me to not only invest time in others, but to turn that investment back to myself.  She always pointed the focus back to God and within her prayers would ask that I find what I truly need in him. I have stated to her that I will, but then 1 year turns into 3 years, which turns into 5 years, which turns into nearly 10 in which I have not taken that advice to heart to focus on finding my balance(with God's assistance). It was easier for me to continue to put my time into her's goals(such as finishing school) or trying to be the best dad that I can be(but I have not given my Wife nor my daughters my best self).   Being disobedient does not promote personal growth. I had grown tired of getting angry, short fused, being reactionary in response, and hindering my health in the process. So what do I do next?

Having this blog is a start for me. It has been several years in the making, but this is like a public journal for me and my thoughts. I am making the effort to listen while being obedient(to God and my family). I am seeking to make the continual action of spending more time with Him and His word(I owe it to God). I recognize that I am a work in progress (and fall short, but have to get back up and dust myself off). I am investing time in health(increasing my fitness goals and even looking to start running on a regular basis..yikes!). I will even look into podcasting(in the near future). I am growing and realize that I have to speak life continually over myself. I truly have to walk by faith and not by sight.  

If this resonates with you or you have any thoughts, please feel free to leave a comment...I appreciate you for taking the time to read this entry.

Am I there yet....the Introduction

Hello World (insert major hand wave here…LOL) and Thank you for officially joining me on this new journey in my life. 

Welcome to my blog(Am I There Yet). 

I’m so excited about finally jumping into the deep end with this process. My journey to getting to this initial post has been several years in the making. There was some fear and hesitation about finally getting this blog started. At this point in my life I have to remember that in 2 Timothy 1:7 the word of God(The Bible) states that we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind. What God has led me to realize is that I have something to say and that it’s important for me to share as I am led. That means if only 1 person (or at any point 1 million people) read what I have to say within this blog, then I am being obedient.  

The title of this blog came to me as I was at a place of “pondering life” and what it all means. I would continue to ask myself “Am I there yet?” Am I good enough, Am I happy, Am I satisfied in life, Am I leading my family properly(as a Husband and Father), Am I pleasing God (were some of the thoughts that would/will run through my mind).  

So as I journey through life and topics come to mind I want to share what is on my heart(from the light hearted to the serious).  There are so many things that we deal with on a daily basis, but let’s journey together as we are faced with the question of “Am I there yet?”